The One Where They Watch FRIENDS
by SummerRainForever
Summary: The friends characters watch a bunch of FRIENDS episodes together. What are their reactions when they see themselves on TV? FINISHED
1. Monica's Discovery

A/N : This is a VERY stupid story. It represents the characters....so imagine that Jennifer Aniston, Courtney Cox, Lisa Kudrow, Matthew Perry, Matt LeBlanc and David Schwimmer dont exist. You'll see what i mean, later...   
  
TOW They Watch FRIENDS  
  
[Scene: Central Perk.]  
Phoebe is sitting alone, reading a magazine and drinking cofee. Monica Enters.   
  
Monica: Pheebs! Something freaky has been goin on.   
  
Phoebe: Ooh you met my mom? How is she? Is hell suiting her?  
  
Monica: No, I mean we've been on TV.  
  
Phoebe: What?  
  
Monica: Yeah, The whole worlds been watching us!  
  
Phoebe: Like how god watches us?   
  
Monica: No. They're watching us on TV!   
  
Phoebe: Thats what i said  
  
Monica: What?   
  
Phoebe: What?  
  
Monica: Ok...I was at the video store and they have episodes of "FRIENDS" with our picture on the cover.  
  
Phoebe: Really? Wow! We must be blessed.   
  
Monica: No, Phoebe! Do you know who put that there?   
  
Phoebe: No.   
  
Monica: Neither do i. Anyway, I got a tape for us to watch so i'm inviting Ross and Rachel and Chandler and Joey to the apartment in 5 minutes....lets go.   
  
Phoebe: Cant we watch it here? I'm just so comfortable!   
  
Monica: Do you see a VCR Here?   
  
Phoebe: Oh Well   
  
(They leave)   
  
A/N: I'm really reall sorry for making this so short....  
  
But i'll have to add more next time. I'm in a bit of a hurry right now...but keep reading! 


	2. Part I of The First Episode

A/N: I've decided to change the plotline a bit. The gang is gonna watch several episodes of friends. it's more interesting that way. The characters are watching episodes mostly from the first and second season. This incident is taking place three years after Rachel left Barry at the alter. Or what we more commonly refer to "The Third Season".  
  
Thanx 4 all the reviews u guys!  
  
Scene: Monica and Rachels apartment. Monica and Phoebe enter.   
  
Phoebe: Hey!   
  
Everyone: Hey.  
  
Phoebe: Monica has great news!   
  
Monica: It is not great news!   
  
Joey: So what's the news?   
  
Monica: We're being sold!   
  
Chandler: Funny, i revieved no payment slip.  
  
Monica: No i mean we're being sold on VHS and VCD and DVD.  
  
Rachel: Are you buying a video store?   
  
Monica: No! Look at this!   
  
(She shows them the tape)   
  
Ross (Reading from the cover): 'The Best Of Friends' Volume one of 6 episodes voted by the fans!'  
  
Phoebe: Isnt it cool?   
  
Chandler: How did this happen?   
  
Rachel: I dunno but i wanna watch!   
  
Joey: Hey Wait a minute! we cant watch that!   
  
Rache: Why not?   
  
Joey: Because it's not right. Who knows what they might be showing...   
  
Chan: They wont be showing your "Saturday Secret" Joe.  
  
Joey: Oh...Ok. Lets Watch   
  
Phoebe: I'll order Pizza.   
  
Rache: What's his Saturday Secret?   
  
Chan: If they're showing it it's fun to watch!  
  
(Ross put the tape into the player)   
  
Rache: Oh no! Look what it says at the back of the cover.   
  
Joey: What?   
  
Rache: The first episode is when i leave Barry at the alter. I cant watch this!  
  
Everyone: Aw Come On!  
  
(Episode starts. First Scene: Central Perk the gang minus Rachel are there.)   
  
Monica (TV): There's nothing to tell! He's Just some guy I work with!   
  
Joey (TV) : C'mon! Youre going out with a guy! there's gotta be something wrong with him!  
  
Chandler : You know, Mon, we were right about him.   
  
Monica (makes a face)   
  
Chandler (TV) : so does he have a hump? a hump and a hairpeice?   
  
Monica : God you guys were mean about my dates!   
  
Chandler: But like i said, we were right about Paul.   
  
Monica (makes a face again)   
  
Rache: Hey i'm about to enter!   
  
(TV Screen: Rachel enters in a wedding gown)   
  
Chandler : (TV) And i just want a million dollars!   
  
Rache (TV) Oh God! Monica Hi!   
  
Monica (TV) : What are you doin here?   
  
Rache: (TV) i was looking for you at your building and then the guy with the big hammer said that you'd be here and you are! you are!   
  
Monica: You know, Rache, i cant believe you didnt invite me to the wedding.  
  
Rache: But honey, we had lost touch!   
  
Phoebe: You didnt invite me either.   
  
Rache: I didnt even know you at the time.   
  
Phoebe: Sure you did. You used to talk to me!   
  
Rache: What?   
  
Phoebe: Yeah, you know, spiritually.  
  
Ross: Shush you guys!   
  
Monica: (TV) Breathe. Now try to think of nice calm things.   
  
Phoebe: (TV) Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens! Snowfalkes and Sleighbells and somthing with mittens. lalala something with strings, these....   
  
Rachel: (TV) I'm all better now   
  
Phoebe: (TV) I helped!   
  
END OF PART I OF THIS EPISODE/CHAPTER. I'll update as soon as i can. meanwhile read, enjoy and review! 


	3. Part II of The First Episode

A/N: Hey guys thanx for ur reviews  
  
PART II   
  
Phoebe: See! if it wasnt for me, Rachel would still be upset about Barry.   
  
(The Gang has no reaction. they're too used to Phoebe anyway)  
  
Joey (TV) : Hey if you need anything, Me and Chandler live right accross the hall and he's away a lot.   
  
Monica: (TV) Joey, stop hitting on her! it's her wedding day!  
  
Joey: (TV) What? like theres a rule or something!   
  
(Rachel gives Joey a Look.)   
  
Ross (TV) : So Rache, if you dont feel like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are helping me set up my apartment   
  
Chandler: Yes and we're very exited about it!  
  
Rache: Ha! You wanted me from the very begining!  
  
Ross: i did not!  
  
Rache: Yes you did. You asked me out that very night!  
  
Ross: yeah....well....so...  
  
Ross (TV) : So Pheebs you wanna come?  
  
Phoebe (TV) : I wish i could, but i dont want to!  
  
[CUT TO: Scene: The Apartment]  
  
(The Episode is just about to end)   
  
Monica: (TV) Do you want me to make up the couch for you or something? Hey, what's with you? (To Ross)   
  
Ross: (TV) I grabbed a spoon.   
  
Rachel: You guys are amatures. grabbed a spoon?  
  
Monica: yeah it's not called that anymore.  
  
Chandler: Hey look at this! Credits.   
  
Phoebe: Oh so here are the people who put us on tv.  
  
Joey: Who are Bright Kauffman and Crane? (A/N tell me if my spellings are correct)   
  
Suddenly a strange force takes over the room. then Marta Kauffman and David Crane appear in the room!   
  
Marta: Hi! i'm Marta Kauffman and this is David Crane. And you guys are characters created by us!.  
  
(The Gang looks totally bewildered)   
  
David: Sorry, Kevin Bright couldnt make it....   
  
(the gang still looks bewildered)   
  
Marta: Anyway, we're glad you guys are watching the episodes. You can give us good feedback. Call us when you've discussed the episodes.  
  
(Marta and David disappear)   
  
Rache (after a long silence) : Did anybody just see that?   
  
Everybody: No!  
  
(the gang all dissapear in different directions!)   
  
END OF PART II   
  
A/N: hehe sorry i made it short and cut out so much of the episode! tell me if you have any suggestions!   
  
now a peek into the next chapter. The gang is going to discuss the episode and say what THEY think of it. then they'll watch another episode (i'll try to think of more interesting comments to go with the episode)   
  
Review Please! 


	4. The Discussion Part One

A/N: Hey! In order to give you guys a quality story, i just watched the first and second episodes on The Best of Friends CD to get all the dialouges right.  
  
[Scene: Monica and Rachels Apartment.]  
The Gang is sitting around the table.   
  
Ross: Wasnt it weird when they just appeared? I mean out of thin air?  
  
Phoebe: Yeah and i thought only dead people could do that!   
  
Chandler: Yeah. your mom must be doing that all the time right?  
  
Phoebe: Once in a while.   
  
Rachel: But what did they mean by "they created us?"   
  
Monica: Well they did in a way...i mean they're the ones who put our lives on TV.   
  
Ross: But why? Why us of all people?   
  
Joey: Who cares why? We're Famous! All this time i've been trying to make it and all along i've always been on TV! I think it's nice. Although wait a minute! if i'm so famous then why havent i been getting auditions?   
  
Ross: We can put that in the list of questions we can ask them.  
  
Monica: You know that's a good idea.   
  
Chandler: But how are they capturing this? They seem to be having hiden camera's all over the place. Here, Our place, The Coffee house!  
  
Joey: You think they're filming us right now?   
  
(The gang is quiet. then they all look around them expecting to find camera's popping out of everywhere)   
  
Monica: But it's impossible. i clean this place everyday!   
  
Phoebe: Maybe they have "out of this world" techniques. Like you know, they can be filming us from another house or the apartment across or ooh ooh the moon!   
  
Rachel: What?   
  
Phoebe: Well anythings possible! they appeared out of thin air for crying out loud!   
  
Chandler: I want to know why they were showing people all about our lives. and i have to critisize the editing!   
Rachel: Yeah i know what you mean. i dont really know if i want people to know about how i just left Barry at the altar. And you guys all had jobs and i had nothing because i was trained for nothing...  
  
Chandler: Yeah and I dunno if i want people to know about my dreams you know. Especially the phone dream!   
  
Monica: And dont you think the whole Paul thing made me look weak?   
  
Joey: Yeah and it looked like i didnt have any real acting jobs   
  
Ross: And me marrying a lesbian? That made me look highly stupid!   
  
Phoebe: But guys! Thats who we all are! I mean there are so many things in my life that i'm not to proud of...but thats who i am. You cant change that. They're only showing whats true.   
  
(A long silence)   
  
Chandler: Actually there are quite some good parts as well.   
  
Monica: Yeah. I liked that they showed i broke Pauls watch.   
  
Rachel: I guess it was kinda neat when they showed how I stood upto my dad!   
  
Phoebe: I liked when they showed me playing the guitar in the subway! (A/N for those who havent seen 'Best of Friends vol 1', this part is part of the 'unseen footage' never before shown on Tv.)  
  
Chandler: I guess it was well made.  
  
Joey: Yeah, and I liked my 'grab a spoon advice.'   
  
Ross: So should we make a list of questions for Marta and David?  
  
Everyone: Yeah   
  
END OF DISSCUSSIONS PART I   
  
A/N: in part two, the gang will ask Marta Kauffman and David Crane a few questions about "FRIENDS"   
  
some of these questions are   
  
1) Where does all the laughter come from?   
  
2) How did they manage to film the whole thing?   
  
3) Why were they chosen for this?   
  
AND MANY MORE!!!   
  
Stay tuned and keep revewing!   
  
i'll be posting Part II very very very soon.  
  
i just want your opinion on this one first 


	5. The Discussion Part Two

A/N: Hello! Now i know i made some silly spelling errors in the last chapter, but ignore that coz i type pretty fast.  
  
Hope you guys like this chapter...   
  
Disclamer (which i forgot to write earlier) : I own NOTHING but the plot.   
  
PART II OF DISCUSSIONS : THE INTERVIEW  
  
Ross: Ok so the list is ready...now do we have to wait for them to come?  
  
Phoebe: Maybe they're watching us now and know that we're ready.  
  
(Phoebe must have been right because out of no where, Marta and David appearead)   
  
David: Hello! we see that you are ready now.  
  
Marta: We'll be happy to answer your questions.  
  
(The Gang is a little taken aback for a second. Then Ross speaks up)  
  
Ross: Yes we have some questions for you.  
  
Marta: Go on....  
  
Ross: You made this TV Serial. But why did you choose to make it on us?  
  
Marta: You were the winners of a small contest that we held at our office. We took a look at many groups of friends and found that you were the most eligible, considering you'll are the most interesting, different and yet down to earth group.  
  
David: And your look had no problems, either. You guys looked perfect for our serial.   
  
Rachel: But why not just hire actors?   
  
Marta: We believe in capturing the natural aspect of your lives. An actor wouldnt be able to play your part better than you would.  
  
Monica: How did you manage to film everything? Did you use hidden camera's?   
  
David: Yes we used hidden camera's. And we made sure that we put it in places where people would never look. have you noticed in the episode you just saw that the right hand side wall of your apartment has never been shown? And the front wall of the coffee house isnt shown either because that's where the camera is.  
  
Marta: And there's nothing on the right hand side wall to clean, So Monica hasnt noticed the camera either. Plus the lense is quite small. We edit it and change the format later to make it look absolutley proffessional.   
  
Chandler: Speaking of proffesional, it says that this is a Warner Bros™ production. is that true?   
  
David: Absolutley! Warner Bros approved of our idea and they have immensley helped us. We are really greatfull to them.   
  
Joey: On which channel do we appear?   
  
Marta: NBC, on Thursday nights (A/N: correct me if i'm wrong because i'm not American. here in India it comes on Sundays)   
  
David: But that's in America....you appear all over the world at different times.   
  
Rachel: Wait a sec, I've been trying to get NBC for years!  
  
Marta: Er...We've been making sure you dont get it actually. We didnt mean for you to find out so soon.  
  
David: Someone was supposed to be on duty at the videostore so you wouldnt see the tapes, but he goofed up.  
  
Phoebe: Where does all the laughter come from?   
  
David: Once we edit the episode, we show it to an audience who tell us what they like and dont like. The laughter comes from them- your fans.  
  
Marta: The audience tells us what to cut and what not to. Thats why there's "unseen footage" in this volume.  
  
Ross: So the unseen footage isnt generally seen on tv?   
  
David: No. it's only in the "best of friends" volumes and other special tapes and DVD's.   
  
Monica: So what is this unseen footage!?   
  
Marta: Oh many things like Phoebe singing in the subway....   
  
Phoebe: Hey!   
  
David: Dont worry! We have a lot of footage of you and your guitar in future episodes   
  
Marta: Other unseen footage is Joey's dialoge in Ross's apartment - "Hey Hey Hey if your gonna start all that stuff, we're outta here" and Ross saying how he's only 26 and he's divorced.   
  
Joey: Wow!   
  
Rache: But if we're so famous, why dont we get recognised on the street?  
  
Joey: and how come i dont get acting job's?   
  
Marta: You dont get acting job's because Me and David stop you from getting acting job's. We want you to work for us! we know it sounds a little mean, but thats our job! we're sorry!   
  
David: Once in a while we do give you job's because you need the money  
  
Marta: And you guy's are recognised but you just dont know it. Fortunately we have the power of stopping people from coming up to you. But now that you know you're famous it's ok. (A/N: What better explanation could i give?)   
  
Chandler: No wonder i got promoted!   
  
Ross: But how do you just appear out of thin air?  
  
Marta: Sorry we cant say.   
  
Monica: and what is that Party thing with us holding the colored umbrellas? we never did that! how did you manage to do that?  
  
David: Sorry we cant say.   
  
Phoebe: But are you going to continue to film us?  
  
David: Now that we can say!   
  
Marta: Yes of course!   
  
David: This serial is so popular and well loved! We're thinking of making at least 10 seasons!   
  
Marta: That's 10 years of your life!   
  
Monica: 10 years?  
  
Rache: Oh my god!   
  
David: Dont worry. You just have to be your selves. We might even film you out in the open now.   
  
Marta: It's no big deal  
  
Phoebe: Of course it is.  
  
Rache: Yeah!   
  
Ross: It's like invasion of Privacy!   
  
Monica: And you didnt even ask us!  
  
David: We're sorry. We needed to make it look absolutely natural!   
  
Joey: And we dont even get paid!   
  
Marta: Well now you will.  
  
Joey: Great! when do we start?   
  
END OF PART II  
  
A/n: hehehe how did you like it? reveiw and tell me. 


	6. Joey and Ursula Part I

A/N: hi you guys! I've decided to continue because of all ur wonderful reviews! You all liked it so I've decided that it's worth writing more. And to the anonymous writer, Area 51, and annabanana who said i sucked : I don't care. I love flames;) although u could elaborate and tell me why....unless ur just being plain malicious....if you dont like it dont read it!  
  
I'm splitting up both the parts into four chapters. Enjoy!  
  
EPISODE 2 PART 1  
  
Rache: I Love This! I Love This! I Love This! I Love This....  
  
Monica: I Hate This!  
  
Rache: What?  
  
Monica: Our lives! We're on TV! and the entire world knows about us! it's not done!  
  
Ross: Yeah I agree!  
  
Joey: Guys! Guys! their PAYING US!  
  
Monica: Yeah....Well....But Still! I Just.....  
  
Chandler: Why don't we watch the next episode?  
  
Joey: Yeah it's all about me! and Ursula.....  
  
Phoebe: Uh Oh! I don't think I'll watch!  
  
Everyone: No! Phoebe c'mon stay!  
  
Phoebe: Yeah I would! but I have....class.  
  
Ross: Class?  
  
Phoebe: yeah....class....I have, um, guitar class!  
  
Joey: You do not!  
  
Phoebe: Yes I do! ok bye! see ya!  
  
Chandler: Hold it right there! (Pull's Phoebe down onto the couch)  
  
Rache: Ok so should I start it?  
  
Everyone: Yeah...  
  
Episode Starts  
  
(Chandler and Joey are at Riff's)  
  
Chandler (TV) : It's been a half hour! This is unbelievable! If this were a cartoon you'd be looking like a ham right about now!  
  
Joey : Oh There's the waitress. Hello? Excuse Me, Miss?  
  
(Waitress (Ursula) Turns around)  
  
Chandler : It's Phoebe! hi!  
  
Ursula: Hi! Ok Will that be all?  
  
Chandler (Not TV) : you know you guys really do look the same.  
  
Phoebe: That's not a very nice thing to say! look at her she's hideous!  
  
Ross: Um, Pheebs she's your twin!  
  
Phoebe: she's not my identical twin!  
  
Joey: I thought so!   
  
Chandler: (TV) Ok look at her and tell me they don't look exactly the same.  
  
Joey: I'm saying I see a difference!  
  
Chandler: They're Twins!  
  
Joey: So What! Phoebe's Phoebe. Ursula's Hot!  
  
Phoebe: (Not TV) Joey!  
  
Joey: What?  
  
Phoebe: Phoebe's Phoebe?  
  
Joey: but you are!  
  
Chandler: (TV) Hey Pheebs guess who we met today!  
  
Phoebe: Ooh! Ok Fun!  
  
Phoebe: (Not TV) It would have been better if you had met the woman who cuts my hair! she's a lot more fun than what's-her-name.  
  
Joey: (TV) Yeah, she works down at that place....  
  
Phoebe: Riffs? Yeah. I know.  
  
Chandler: Oh you do? because she said that you guys hadn't spoken in like years.  
  
Phoebe: Uh Huh. So is she fat?  
  
Joey: Not from where I was standing.  
  
Phoebe (To Chandler) Where were you standing?  
  
(Cut to a later scene: Marcel, getting a hold of Monica and Rachel's remote has managed to change the appearing language to Spanish)  
  
Rache: (TV) Hey! Urkle in Spanish, is Urkle!  
  
Ross: (trying to figure out a way to change the settings): How did he do this?  
  
Joey Enters.  
  
Chandler: Hey!  
  
Joey: Hey! I think Ursula likes me! all I ordered was coffee....  
  
Chandler (Not TV) Joey, don't you regret going out with Ursula?  
  
Joey: No....Why?  
  
Phoebe: How about because she broke your heart and almost broke our friendship?  
  
Joey: Sorry, Pheebs  
  
Joey: (TV) Pheebs?  
  
Phoebe: Yeah?  
  
Joey: Do you think it would be ok if I asked your sister out?  
  
Phoebe: why would you wanna do that? why?  
  
Joey: so that if we went on a date, she'd be there!  
  
Phoebe: Well I mean, I'm not my sisters....whatever. true we were one egg once but...drifted apart....so, why not? ok sure.  
  
Joey: Thanks Pheebs.  
  
(Cut to Ross and Susan at Lamaze class)  
  
Ross: (Not TV) Oh No!  
  
Ross: (TV) Where's Carol?  
  
Susan: stuck at a PTA meeting. You can go. I'll get the information.  
  
Ross: No! No. I think we should both be here. I think we should both know what's going on  
  
Susan: Good. this will be fun!  
  
Lamaze Class Lady: Ok Mothers I want you to sit down and coaches, you should be supporting Mommy's head.  
  
(Ross and Susan both gesture each other to sit down)  
  
Joey (Not TV) : but she's a woman....shouldn't she be the mom?  
  
Ross: Exactly  
  
Rache: But maybe she just didn't want to miss out on the coaching!  
  
Ross (TV) : How do you propose we settle this?  
  
Susan: I will flip you for it  
  
Ross: Oh You'll flip....heads! heads!  
  
Susan: On Your back....mom!  
  
(Everyone except Ross laughs)  
  
(Cut To Scene where Rache, Monica and Chandler are knitting)  
  
Monica (TV) : So you haven't told this girl she's fired?  
  
Chandler: Yeah, Well I will tell her.  
  
Rache: Yeah that should be easy now that you're dating. Honey, you're fired. But how about a quickie before I go to work.  
  
(Knock on the door Monica gets up to answer it and a tangled up Chandler and Rachel are forced to tag along behind her)  
  
Mr. Heckles: You're doing it again.  
  
Monica: Doing What? we're just sitting around and talking. Quietly.  
  
Mr. Heckles: I can hear you through the ceiling. My Cats can't sleep.  
  
Rache: you don't have cats.  
  
Mr. Heckles: I could have cats.  
  
Monica: Goodbye, Mr. Heckles.  
  
Rache: We'll try to keep it down.  
  
Phoebe: (Not TV) oh poor Mr. Heckles! Nobody understood him!  
  
(Enter Joey)  
  
Joey: Hey!   
  
Everyone: Hey!  
  
Joey: Oh Pheebs! Could you try this on? I just wanna make sure this fits.  
  
Phoebe: Oh! my first birthday present! This is really....  
  
Joey: Oh no no no! it's for Ursula. I just figured you know size wise....  
  
Phoebe: Oh ok...(Hold's it up against her and then throws it back down) Fits.  
  
Phoebe: (Not TV) Joey, you owe me a birthday present from that year, you know!  
  
Joey: What?  
  
Phoebe: yeah you didn't buy me anything!  
  
Chandler: Guy's! Guy's!  
  
Joey (TV): Pheebs I thought you said it was ok for me to date her.  
  
Phoebe: Well maybe now it's not ok.  
  
Joey: Well maybe now I'm not ok with it not being ok.  
  
Phoebe: Ok!  
  
(A silence)  
  
Chandler: Knit, good woman! Knit!  
  
END OF PART 1 OF PART 1!  
  
A/N: Yes i know that was LAME! but i'm running out of good comments to write! give me idea's!  
  
Next Chapter there'll be more about Nina (Chandler's G.F), Rachel and the Chrismas lights and of course about Joey/Ursula. 


	7. Joey and Ursula Part II

A/N: hey guys! here's the update i promised....  
  
Disclaimer: I own none of the dialogues that come after any character that has (TV) written after it. All dialouges that are recognised belong to the wonderful writers of "Friends". They also belong to Warner Bros and Bright, Kauffman and Crane. I do not own the "Friends" characters either and claim no copyright over them.  
  
PART II of Joey/Ursula  
  
Monica pauses the tape and looks around at the gang.  
Phoebe and Joey are sitting in absolute silence and the rest of the gang is looking at them.  
Then Phoebe breaks the silence.  
  
Phoebe: You picked her over me didnt you?  
  
Joey: No!  
  
Phoebe: Of Course you did!  
  
Joey: No Pheebs, I would never do that!  
  
Phoebe: Well you shouldnt have gone out with her in the first place!  
  
Joey: But you said i could!  
  
Phoebe: If i had said you couldnt you would have been mad at me!  
  
Joey: Like you're not mad at me right now!  
  
Phoebe: You're right! I am mad at you!  
  
(Phoebe gets up and begins to walk out of the room)  
  
Phoebe: I dont think i want to watch this anymore!  
  
(Exit Phoebe.)  
  
The Gang is quiet. They dont know what to do next.  
  
Scene: The Gang is sitting around Monica's table, eating cookies and talking.  
  
Monica: Poor Phoebe.  
  
Ross: Yeah now i dont feel like watching anymore either  
  
Joey: I feel so bad.  
  
Chandler: Maybe you shouldnt have gone out with Ursula.  
  
Joey: But she was okay with it! And even when we got mad at each other we made up later!  
  
Rache: Really? How?  
  
Joey: Well...  
  
Chandler: C'mon Joe! tell us!  
  
Joey: Maybe we should watch the tape...i'm sure it'll be on that.  
  
The Gang move over to the couch. Rachel pushes the tape in and they begin to watch.  
  
Scene (TV)  
  
Chandler (TV) : And that's the Chrysler building right there.  
  
(Mr Douglas enters)  
  
Mr. Douglas: Nina!  
  
Chandler (Not TV) : Oh no! can we fast forward this pleeaaaase?  
  
The Gang: NO!  
  
Mr Douglas: (TV) She's still here.  
  
Chandler: Yes, yes she is. Didn't I memo you on this? See, after I let her go, uh, I got a call from her psychiatrist, Dr. Fl---, Dr. Flanen, Dr. Flan and uh, he informed me that uh, she took the news rather badly.   
In fact, he uh, mentioned the word "frenzy".  
  
Mr Douglas: You're kidding? She seems so--  
  
Chandler: Oh, no, no. Nina--she is whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo. In fact, if you asked her right now, she would have no recollection of being fired at all, none at all.  
  
Monica (NOT TV): Chandler!  
  
Mr. Douglas: (TV) That's unbelievable.  
  
Chandler: And yet, believable. So I decided not to fire her again until I can be assured that she will be no threat to herself or others.   
  
Mr. Douglas: I see. I guess you never really know what's goin' on inside a person's head.  
  
Chandler: Well, I guess that's why they call it psychology, sir.  
  
Rachel (NOT TV) : Chandler!  
  
Chandler: See i told you we shuld have fast forwarded.  
  
Ross: At least you got what you deserved in the end!  
  
Joey: Yeah the stapler marks are still there.  
  
(TV Scene: The Gang in Central Perk)  
  
Ross: I'm gonna be a father.  
  
Rachel: It's just occurring to you?  
  
Ross: I always knew I was havin' a baby, I just never realized the baby was having me.  
  
Rachel: Oh, you're gonna be great.  
  
Ross: Aw, how can you say that? I can't even get Marcel to stop eating the bath mat. How am I gonna raise a kid?  
  
Chandler: You know, Ross, some scientists are now saying that, that monkeys and babies are actually different.  
  
Ross (Not TV) : Very funny, Chandler!  
  
Monica: But you were worrying for nothing! It turned out alright didnt it?  
  
Ross: Yeah  
  
Phoebe (TV): Where're you going?  
  
Joey: Out.  
  
Phoebe: With?  
  
Joey: Yes.  
  
Phoebe: All right, could I just ask you one question? Have you two, you know...like, you know, you know, yet?  
  
Monica (Not TV): See Joey. This obviously upset her alot!  
  
Rachel: Yeah, she was pretty upset. she told us later.  
  
Joey: But Why? I dont get it!  
  
Ross: She cares about you, Joe! she didnt want to see you get hurt.  
  
Monica: Besides, she knows her sister and according to her she's too,  
well, flexible. She knew that Ursula didnt care about you as much as you cared   
about her.  
  
Chandler: Yeah and it think it creeps her out that you'd ask out her twin!  
  
Joey: Why?  
  
Rachel: Because you fell for her looks and they look exactly the same?  
  
Joey: But they dont!  
  
Chandler: I repeat for the gazilianth time : theyre twins!  
  
Joey: But i still dont get why she's upset! I wouldnt get upset if  
she went out with my sister!  
  
Chandler: No...you'd actually love that wouldnt you?  
  
Rachel: Okay Joey this is serious. i think it really upset her and now she's upset again!  
  
Joey: But What do i do?  
  
The Gang is silent.  
  
Rache: Um....well....  
  
Monica: You just....  
  
Ross: Maybe we should watch while you think about it.  
  
Scene: The Apartment.  
  
Chandler (TV): Well, I ended up telling her everything.  
  
Rachel: Oh, how'd she take it?  
  
Chandler: Pretty well. Except for the stapler thing. Little tip: If you're ever in a similar situation, never ever leave your hand on the desk.  
  
Monica: Ok, I think I get how to do this. (trying to change the language on the TV from Spanish to English. It doesnt work)  
  
Phoebe: All right, so, can we turn this off? Just, just make it--make them go away? I can't, I can't look.  
  
Monica: Ok, Pheebs, they're gone. Are you all right?  
  
Phoebe: Yeah. Yeah. It's just, you know, it's this whole stupid Ursula thing.  
  
Rachel: Ok, Pheebs, can I ask? So, he's going out with her. I mean, is it really so terrible?  
  
Phoebe: Um, yeah. Look, I mean, I'm not saying she's like evil or anything.   
She just, you know, she's always breaking my stuff. When I was eight, and I wouldn't let her have my Judy Jetson thermos, so she threw it under the bus. Then when i was 12 she broke my collar bone, not on  
purpose but still counted! Oh, and then there was Randy Brown, who was like.....  
have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend?  
  
Monica & Rachel: No.  
  
Phoebe: Well, but that's what he was for me. And she you know, kind of stole him away, and then broke his heart, and then he wouldn't even talk to me anymore. Because he said he didn't wanna be around anything  
that looked like either one of us. I mean, I know Joey is not my boyfriend, or my thermos, or anything, but--  
  
Chandler: You're not gonna lose him.  
  
Monica: Come on, you gotta talk to Joey.  
  
Phoebe: Yeah.  
  
Ross: Come on, he doesn't know this stuff. If he knew how you felt--  
  
Phoebe: But he's falling in love with her.  
  
Rachel: Please, they've been going out a week. They haven't even slept together yet, I mean, that's not serious.  
  
Phoebe: Ok. Oh, ok, oh.  
  
(Phoebe goes out and knocks on Joey's door. Ursula opens it)  
  
Ursula: Oh. Yeah, um, may we help you?  
  
Joey (Not TV) Now i feel even more terrible! i didnt know that she felt so bad! i wasnt falling in love with Ursula!  
  
Rachel : Werent you?  
  
Joey is silent for some time. then-  
  
Joey: I dunno.....  
  
Chandler: maybe you were.  
  
Ross: Yeah  
  
Monica: Maybe you should go talk to Phoebe. Work things out.  
  
Joey: Yeah, Maybe youre right.....but do you think she'll listen to me?  
  
Rachel: Well, maybe you should try....  
  
Joey: Youre right.  
  
(Joey exits and goes to find Phoebe)  
  
Monica: I hope it all works out.  
  
(they turn their attention back to the tape)  
  
Rache: Look i'm about to twist my ankle!  
  
Rache (TV): You wanted me to take them down, so I'm takin' 'em down. Ok? Whoa! (She falls off the balcony)  
  
Monica: Rachel! Rachel!  
  
Rachel: I'm ok! I'm ok! Mr. Heckles, Mr. Heckles could you help me please?   
  
Mr. Heckles: See, this is just the kind of thing I was talking about.  
  
END OF PART II  
  
A/N: I think that was better.....but it still needs quite alot of improvement  
i guess i could make it funnier?   
  
Now onto the two questions that you guys have to answer.  
  
1) Do you think i need a beta-reader?  
  
2) Do you think this should be a slight Phoebe/Joey fic? whatever  
  
gets more  
  
votes in the reviews will decide that part of the story line! 


	8. Joey and Ursula Part III

A/N: hey guys! Here's another update...now from today (the 27th) to the 10th of may, since I'm going outta town, I may not be able to update very fast, but I promise that I WILL update.  
The "votes" are in and unanimously everyone wants a Phoebe/Joey fic. But don't worry...I wont ignore Chan/Monica and Ross/Rachel either. There's something for every one in this fic!  
So here's the next chapter for you.....   
  
JOEY/URSULA PART III  
  
SCENE (NOT TV) Joey has gone to Central Perk to find Phoebe. Phoebe is sitting on the sofa, staring into space.  
Joey: Pheebs?  
Phoebe: I'm outta here! (she gets up to go)  
Joey: No Pheebs! please! listen to me! You have to come back and watch the tape!  
Phoebe: What? Why? To see you and Ursula together?  
Joey: No Pheebs.....  
Phoebe: No! I'm not coming!  
  
(A few minutes later at the apartment)  
Phoebe: I don't know why I came!  
Ross: C'mon Pheebs! Joey says he suspects that the tape will show something meaningful!  
Monica: Yeah! C'mon Pheebs give Joey a chance!  
Rachel: So we'll watch?  
Phoebe (Unenthusiastically) : Ok  
  
(TV SCENE : MONICA AND RACHEL AT THE HOSPITAL)  
  
Rachel: Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow.  
Monica: Hi. Uh, my friend here was taking down our Christmas lights, and she fell off the balcony and may have broken her foot or ankle or something.  
Nurse: My god. You still have your Christmas lights up? Fill this out and bring it back to me.  
Rache: Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow.  
Monica: All right. Name, address.....Ok, in case of emergency call?  
Rachel: You.  
Monica: Really?   
Rachel: Yeah.  
Monica: Oh, that is so sweet. Oh gosh. I love you. Insurance?  
Rachel: Oh, yeah, check it. Definitely, I want some of that.   
Monica: You don't have insurance?  
Rachel: Why, how much is this gonna cost?  
Monica: I have no idea, but x-rays alone could be a couple hundred dollars.  
Rachel: Well what are we gonna do?  
Monica: There's not much we can do.  
Rachel: Um, unless, unless I use yours.  
Monica (NOT TV): I can't believe we actually did that!  
Rachel: Yeah i know what you mean! But at least we got to meet the cute doctors!  
Monica (TV) : That's insurance fraud!  
Rachel: Well, all right, then, forget it. Might as well just go home. Ow!  
Monica: Ok. Ok. I hate this.   
Rachel: Thank you. Thank you. I love you.  
Monica: Hi. Um, I'm gonna need a new set of these forms.  
Nurse: Why?  
Monica: I am really an idiot. You see, I was filling out my friend's forms, and instead of putting her information, I put mine.   
Nurse: You are an idiot!  
Chandler (NOT TV) : Wow! Monica you did something illegal??? cool!  
Monica: Oh Shut up! We fixed it in the end! I wasn't worth it anyway!  
  
Cut to : Scene with Chandler, Joey and Ross in Central Perk)  
  
Joey: Oh, have either one of you guys ever been to the Rainbow Room? Is it real expensive?  
Chandler: Well, only if you order stuff.  
Joey: I'm takin' Ursula tonight. It's her birthday.  
Ross: Whoa. What about Phoebe's birthday?  
Joey: When's that?  
Ross: Tonight.   
Joey: Oh, man. What're the odds of that happening?  
Ross: You take your time.  
(Joey Realizes)  
Chandler: There it is! So what're you gonna do?  
Joey: What can I do? Look, I don't want to do anything to screw it up with Ursula.  
Chandler: And your friend Phoebe?  
Joey: Well, if she's my friend, hopefully she'll understand. I mean, wouldn't you guys?  
(NOT TV: Joey winces as he catches the upset look on Phoebes face)  
Chandler (TV): Man if you tried something like that on my birthday, you'd be starin' at the business end of a hissy fit.  
Phoebe (NOT TV) : Joey! Was that your big surprise?  
Joey: No! No! No! Pheebes!  
Phoebe: I have been your friend for so many years and you were willing to give all that up  
for Ursula?  
Chandler: Uh Oh! It's just about to get worse! here's Phoebe's surprise birthday party!  
  
TV Scene: Phoebe's Surprise Party  
Rachel: So, he said it was just a sprain, and that was it.  
Monica: Uh, you left out the stupid part.  
Rachel: Not stupid. The very cute, cute, cute doctors asked us out for tomorrow night, and I said yes.  
Monica: I think it's totally insane, I mean, they work for the hospital. It's like returning to the scene of the crime. I say we blow off the dates.  
Rachel: What? Monica, they are cute, they are doctors, cute doctors, doctors who are cute!  
Chandler: All right, what have we learned so far?  
(knock on the door)  
ALL (Thinking it's Phoebe) : Surprise!  
Ross: What the hell are you doing? You scared the crap outta me.  
Rachel: Was that the cake?  
Ross: Yeah, yeah. I got a lemon shmush.  
Monica: Come on, she'll be here any minute.  
Rachel: I hope it's ok.  
Chandler: Happy birthday Peehee.  
Monica: Well maybe we can make a "b" out of one of those roses.  
(Enter Phoebe without anyone noticing)  
Ross: Yeah, we'll just use our special cake tools.  
Phoebe: Hey, what's going on?  
ALL: Surprise!  
Phoebe: Oh, oh, oh! This is so great! Oh my god! This was not at all scary. Hi everybody. Hi Betty! Betty, hi! You found Betty! Oh my god! This is great. Everybody I love is in the same room. Where's Joey?  
Chandler: Did you see Betty?  
(Monica Pauses the tape)  
Phoebe (NOT TV): Well! At least i have some nice friends who would throw a surprise party for me.....and turn up for it! But then i also have some so called friends who wouldnt turn up at my party because they were out with my evil twin!  
(Joey looks very sheepish)  
Phoebe: How can you defend your self Joey? She dumped you a day later!  
Joey: But i didn't know she was going to do that! And i don't get it Pheebs! This was all in the past! it's already over, we're friends again, i think! It's all because of this tape!  
I wish you'd never found it Monica!  
(There's complete silence in the room)  
Chandler: Monica, give me a knife. i wanna cut the tension.  
  
END OF PART III  
  
A/N: Ooh! Three short scenes! i'm sorry but thats all i had time for. i hope you guys can  
find some way to forgive the fact that this chapter was DUMB!  
anyway, i promise next time's chapter will be better! its the one where Phoebe and Joey will  
get together!!!  
So keep reading.....and reviewing!   
PS: A Beta reader is kind of like an editor. someone who checks over the stories. 


	9. Joey and Ursula Part IV

A/N: The next chapter is finally up! Now i know i said Phoebe and Joey would get together in this chap...but theres been a slight change of plans. the next chaptr is going to be hardly any episode and alot of Phoebe/Joey.  
  
Chap 9 JOEY AND URSULA PART IV  
  
Monica: So i guess we shouldnt watch anymore?  
Chandler: Well...i dont know if i'm for it, but i do know that if we watch...world peace is under threat.  
Joey: Know What? i think we should watch. i brought Phoebe up here to see something and i wont rest until she's seen it!  
Chandler: You wont rest? When do you anyway rest?  
Phoebe: Ok i dont care what Mr. Tribbiani says...i'm not watching!  
Joey: Phoebe! wait! just watch this ok? i've been your friend all these years...you have to trust me!  
Rache: C'mon Pheebs!  
Phoebe: Ok.  
(Monica starts the tape again)  
Monica (TV): Rachel, the cute doctors are here.  
Rachel: Ok, coming!  
Monica (Not TV) : Uh Oh!  
Rachel: Disaster time!  
Monica (TV): Hi, come on in.  
Dr. Mitchell: Here, we brought wine.  
DR. Rosin: And this is from the cellars of Ernest and Tova Borgnine, so how could we resist?  
Rachel: Oh, that's great. Look at that.  
DR. Rosin: Monica, how's the ankle?  
Monica: It's uh, well, uh, (to Rachel) why don't you tell them? After all, it is your ankle.  
Rachel: You know what, it's feeling a lot better, thank you. Well, listen, why don't you two sit down, and we'll get you some glasses....STAT.  
Rachel: Ok, listen, I'm thinking, why don't we just tell them who we really are. I mean, it'll be fine, I really think it'll be fine, I really do.  
Monica: It will not be fine. We'll get in trouble.  
Rachel: Would you stop being such a wuss?  
Monica: A wuss? Excuse me for living in the real world, ok?  
DR. Mitchell: So?  
DR. Rosin: So, they still seem normal.  
Mitchell: That's because they are normal.  
Rosin: Ok, but you have to admit that every time we go out with women we meet at the hospital, it turns into--  
Mitchell: Would you relax? Look around. No pagan altars, no piles of bones in the corners, they're fine. Go like this.  
Monica: I said we are not going to do it. Sometimes you can be such a, a big baby.  
Rachel: I am not a baby. You know what?   
Monica: What?  
Rachel: You know what?  
Monica: What?  
Rachel: Every day, you are becoming more and more like your mother.  
Monica (Not TV) : Rachel!!!!!  
Rachel: Oops!  
Rosin (TV): This is a great place. How long have you lived here?  
Rachel: I've been here about six years, and Rachel moved in a few months ago.  
Monica: Yeah, I was supposed to get married, but, um, I left the guy at the altar. Yeah, I know it's pretty selfish, but hey, that's me. Why don't you try the hummus?  
Rosin: So, Monica, what do you do?  
Rachel: Uh, I'm a uh, chef at a restaurant uptown.  
Rosin: Good for you.  
Rachel: Yeah it is. Mostly because I get to boss people around, which I just love to do.  
Rosin: This hummus is great.  
Mitchell: God bless the chickpea.  
Monica: (laughing) Oh, God, I am so spoiled. That's it.  
Rachel: And by the way, have I mentioned that back in high school, I was a cow.  
Monica: I used to wet my bed.  
Rachel: I use my breasts to get other people's attention.  
Monica: We both do that.  
Chandler (Not TV): Oh My God! This is Hilarious!  
(The Whole Gang is laughing)  
Ross: Rache, you used to wet your bed?  
Rache: Yeah...well...so...youre greasy hair wets the bed!  
(The gang laughs even more)  
Joey: Maybe you should have told them you know?  
Rache: See Mon, i told you.  
Monica: We would have gotten into trouble!  
Ross: so its better to seem crazy?  
Monica: You kow what? forgt it! just lets watch!  
Joey (TV): Hey.  
Ross: Hey.  
Phoebe: Hi. Trouble?  
Joey: Your sister stood me up the other night.  
Phoebe: Oh, no. Don't you just hate it when people aren't there for you?  
(Not TV: Phoebe gives Joey a look. Joey looks sheepish)  
Ross (TV): Well did you try calling her?  
Joey: I've been trying for two days. When I call the restaurant, they say she's too busy to talk. I can't believe she's blowin' me off.  
(Next Scene: Phoebe at Riffs)  
Phoebe: Hey.  
Ursula: Oh.  
Phoebe: Um, you, got a minute?  
Ursula: Um, yeah, I'm just working.  
Phoebe: So...  
Ursula: Uh-huh.  
Phoebe: Um, oh, I got you a birthday present.  
Ursula: Oh, wow! You remembered! Oh, it's a Judy Jetson thermos.  
Phoebe: Right, like the kind you--  
Ursula: Right. Oh, I got something for you too.  
Phoebe: How'd you know I was coming?  
Ursula: Um, yeah, um, twin thing.  
Phoebe: I can't believe you did this. I can't believe you (realizing its the gift Joey got for Ursula)--did this.  
Joey (Not TV) : Oh No! I cant believe she did that!   
Phoebe: So, what's the deal with uh you and Joey?  
Ursula: Oh, right. He is so great. But that's over.  
Phoebe: Does he know?  
Ursula: Who?  
Phoebe: Joey. You know, um, he's really nutsy about you.  
Ursula: He is? Why?  
Phoebe: You got me.  
Ursula: Right. (to someone passing by) Excuse me. Doesn't this come with a side salad?  
Phoebe: So, um, are you gonna call him?  
Ursula: (thinking Phoebe means the passer by) Why, do you think he likes me?  
Phoebe: No. Joey.  
Ursula: Oh. No, no, he is so smart. He'll figure it out. Do you want some chicken?  
Phoebe: No. I'm a vegetarian.  
Ursula: You have not changed.  
Phoebe: Yeah, you too.  
Joey (Not TV): Oh No!  
Phoebe: Yeah  
Joey (Not TV): it was really nice of you to do that Pheebs. maybe i should have listened to you in the first place!  
Phoebe: Ah Finally!  
Monica: So then what happened?  
Scene at Central Perk. Joey is there. Phoebe enters  
Phoebe (TV): Hey.  
Joey: (thinking its Ursula) Urs, what're you doing here? I've been trying to call you.  
Phoebe: Listen, um.  
Joey: No, no, no, don't say "listen". I know that "listen". I've said that "listen".  
Phoebe: I'm sorry.  
Joey: I don't get it. What happened? What about everything you said under the bridge?  
Phoebe: Yeah, um, you know, you should just forget about what I said under the bridge, I was talkin' crazy that night, I was so drunk.  
Joey: You don't drink  
Phoebe; That's right, I don't, but I was, I was drunk on you.  
Joey: Urs--  
Phoebe: Ok, yeah, so it's not gonna work.  
Joey: Why? Is it because I'm friends with Phoebe?  
Phoebe: If it was, would you stop hanging out with her?  
Joey: No. No, I, I couldn't do that.  
Phoebe: Um, then yes, 'cause of Phoebe. So, you know, it's either her or me.  
Joey: Then, uh, then I'm sorry.  
Phoebe: You know, you're gonna be really, really hard to get over.  
Joey: I know. I don't know whether it's just 'cause we're breakin' up or what, but you have never looked so beautiful.  
Phoebe: Really?  
(kiss)  
Joey: Pheebs???  
Phoebe: Yeah.  
Ross: (Not TV) Pheebs? i really thought that was Ursula!  
Rache: You guys kissed?  
Chandler: You guys kissed?  
Monica: You guys KISSED?  
Phoebe: Um...  
Joey: See Pheebs! i chose you over her!  
Ross: And we know how much he liked Ursula!  
Joey: I guess i just liked you more, Pheebs!  
Chandler: Yeah! you guys came through for each other! your friends till the end!  
Rache: Just like we all are!  
Ross: Just like we'll always be!  
  
END OF JOEY AND URSULA PART IV.   
  
A/N: What happens next? 


	10. The One With All The Poker Part I

A/N: A new chapter and a new episode! This chapter features Part I of 'The One With All The Poker'. in this chapter, theres some Phoebe and Joey and in the next part, Ross and Rachel fans finally get what they want. ;)  
  
CnM fans, dont worry! I'll put in some Chandler and Monica in later chapters as well.  
  
Now just for the record, i'm maiking it clear that this story ends with the last episode on the 'best of friends' volume 1 VCD/DVD/VHS. i'm not doing hundereds and hundereds of episodes!  
  
Disclaimer: I dont own the characters or the lines from the show (sadly) but i do own the plot.  
  
Chap 10 Phoebe and Joey  
  
Scene: Chandlers and Joeys. Chandler, Joey and Ross are there. The gang is taking a break from watching 'friends.'  
  
Ross: So now this is gonna be our new job or something?  
  
Chandler: cool i get paid to be funny!  
  
Joey: And i've always wanted to be an actor!  
  
Ross: But it'll cut into my museum work!  
  
Joey: Who Cares? instead of being a geek, you could be famous!  
  
Ross: Hey! studying dinosaurs doesnt make me a geek.  
  
Chandler: Whatever you say Mr. Bone!  
  
Scene: Monica and Rachels. The Three Girls are talking about the same thing.  
  
Monica: But how are we gonna shuffle our lives with this.....this series?  
  
Rache: Mon, This IS our lives!  
  
Monica: Yeah but how are we gonna know? You know.....if they're watching us? if they're not? if the camera's are getting dusty? or if they need cleaning.....  
  
Phoebe: Ok Monica, you need help.  
  
Monica: No! you know what i mean. how are we gonna get to live our lives normally?  
  
Rache: Well, Marta and David said it would be different now! i mean we'd know whats going on.....  
  
Phoebe: Yeah and we get to be famous! How cool is that?  
  
Rache: Yeah!  
  
Monica: I still dont think.....  
  
Rache: you know Mon, everyone from high school would be able to see you arent fat anymore.....  
  
Monica: You know this serial thing is starting to sound like a good idea.....  
  
Rache: Lets call the guys. i wanna watch some more.  
  
Monica: Ok (goes to call the guys)  
  
Phoebe: You know i dont think i'll watch.....  
  
Rache: why not?  
  
Phoebe: I need to talk to Joey.  
  
Rache (smiling) : Ok  
  
Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are there.  
  
Phoebe: I just thought we should hang out.  
  
Joey: We're cool now right?  
  
Phoebe: Oh Yeah! absolutely!  
  
Joey: Great!  
  
Phoebe: But um.....i just wanna know one thing.  
  
Joey: Oh, Whats that?  
  
Phoebe: What made you.....you know.....ask Ursula out.  
  
Joey: I dunno.....i thought she was hot.  
  
Phoebe: Uh Huh.....and you thought i was 'just Phoebe'  
  
Joey: No no no! it isnt like that!  
  
Phoebe: Then how is it?  
  
Joey: I just thought Ursula was.....  
  
Phoebe: pretty?  
  
Joey: well yeah.....but.....  
  
Phoebe: we're twins!  
  
Joey: I know that!  
  
Phoebe: what difference could you see in identical twins?  
  
Joey: i dunno Pheebs. Look, cant we get off this topic? i chose you over her didnt i?  
  
Phoebe: Fine.....  
  
Scene: The Apartment: The Gang is watching the episode.  
  
Chandler (TV): You know, I can't believe you. Linda is so great! Why won't you go out with her again?  
  
Ross: I don't know.  
  
Chandler: Is this still about her whole 'The Flintstones could've really happened' thing?  
  
Ross: No, it's not just that. It's just-I want someone who... who does something for me, y'know? Who gets my heart pounding, who... who makes me, uh... (begins to stare lovingly at Rachel)  
  
Chandler: ...little playthings with yarn?  
  
Ross: What?  
  
Chandler: Could you want her more?  
  
Ross: Who?  
  
Chandler: (sarcastically) Dee, the sarcastic sister from Whats Happening.  
  
Ross: Look, I am totally, totally over her, OK, I just... (Rachel comes over, Ross lays head on table): Hiiii!  
  
Rachel: Hi! How are you?  
  
Ross: We're fine, we're fine.  
  
Rachel: OK. (walks away)   
  
(Ross keeps staring at her, head on table. Chandler smacks him with a newspaper)  
  
Rachel: (Not TV) Wow! you really liked me didnt you? too bad you didnt like me enough.....  
  
Ross: Hey! We were on a break!!!!  
  
Rachel: Oh Yeah Sure!  
  
Ross: WE WERE ON A BREAK!  
  
Chandler: Maybe by the time we reach the end of this tape, we'll all be deaf!  
  
Monica: Ross! shush!  
  
Ross: (TV) Joey cried last night.  
  
Joey: Thank you.  
  
Chandler: (to the girls) We were playing poker, alright...  
  
Joey: There was chocolate on the three. It looked like an eight, alright?  
  
Ross: Oh, guys, you should've seen him. 'Read 'em and weep.'  
  
Chandler: And then he did.  
  
Rachel: Well, now, how come you guys have never played poker with us?  
  
Phoebe: Yeah, what is that? Like, some kind of guy thing? Like, some kind of sexist guy thing? Like it's poker, so only guys can play?  
  
Ross: No, women are welcome to play.  
  
Phoebe: Oh, OK, so then what is it? Some kind of... you know, like, like... some kind of, y'know, like... alright, what is it?  
  
Chandler: There just don't happen to be any women in our games.  
  
Joey: Yeah, we just don't happen to know any women that know how to play poker.  
  
Girls: Oh, yeah, right.  
  
Monica: Oh, please, that is such a lame excuse!  
  
Rachel: Really.  
  
Monica: I mean, that's a typical guy response.  
  
Ross: Excuse me, do any of you know how to play?  
  
Girls: No.  
  
Rachel: But you could teach us.  
  
Guys: No.  
  
Monica (Not TV) : We won in the end, didnt we?  
  
Ross (looking at Rachel) : Yeah you did.....  
  
Rachel: You know we should play Poker more often  
  
Chandler: Sure! Maybe we'll see Joey cry again.  
  
Scene: Central Perk. Joey and Phoebe and still talking.  
  
Phoebe: Yeah! Thats what i told Monica!  
  
Joey: I know! i man we're going to be famous!  
  
Phoebe: do you think they'll continue filming our lives? or will they make us, like you know.....act out lines.  
  
Joey: Who cares! either way we're famous!  
  
Phoebe: Yeah.....Ooooh! i hope they dont show Ursula again!  
  
Joey: Phoebe, What is it with you and your sister? Why do you keep bringing her up in the conversation?  
  
Phoebe: I dont know! She's just bugging me!  
  
Joey: Why?  
  
Phoebe: Cause you think she's pretty and i'm not.  
  
Joey: I think she's pretty, but i dont think your not pretty. hey, youre twins!  
  
Phoebe: Yeah.....then how come you asked her out.....when you've never asked me out?  
  
Scene: The Apartment.  
  
TV Scene: After the first Poker Game  
  
Monica (TV): (throws down her cards) Dammit, dammit, dammit!  
  
Chandler : See Monica, Joey had two 5s showings. So for you to raise..  
  
Monica: Yes?   
  
Chandler: Downright gutsy.  
  
Phoebe: (to Joey): Oh I see, so then, you were lying.  
  
Joey: About what?  
  
Phoebe: About how good your cards were.  
  
Joey: Heh... I was bluffing.  
  
Phoebe: A-ha! And... what is bluffing? Is it not another word for... lying?  
  
Rachel: OK, sorry to break up this party, but I've got resumes to fax before work tomorrow... (gets up to leave)  
  
Guys: Whoa, whoa, whoa!  
  
Chandler: Rach, Rach, we gotta settle.  
  
Rachel: Settle what?  
  
Chandler: The... Jamestown colony of Virginia. You see, King George is giving us the land, so...  
  
Ross: The game, Rachel, the game. You owe us money for the game.  
  
Rachel: Oh. Right.  
  
Joey: You know what, you guys? It's their first time, why don't we just forget about the money, alright?  
  
Monica: Hell no, we'll pay!  
  
Phoebe: OK, Monica? I had another answer : all right!  
  
Monica: And you know what? We want a rematch.  
  
Ross: Well that's fine with me. Could use the money.  
  
Rachel: (to Ross): Oh, you really are enjoying this aren't you?   
  
Ross: Yea, well, yea.  
  
Rachel: So basically, you get your ya-yas by taking money from all of your friends.  
  
Ross: (pause)...Yeah.  
  
Chandler: Yes, and I get my ya-yas from Ikea. You have to put them together yourself, but they cost a little less.  
  
Ross: Look, Rachel, this is poker. I play to win, alright? In order for me to win, other people have to lose. So if you're gonna play poker with me, don't expect me to be a 'nice guy,' OK? Cause once those cards are dealt... (claps hands three times)  
  
Joey: (pause)...Yeah?  
  
Ross: I'm not a nice guy.  
  
Rachel (Not TV) : Oh Yeah Right!  
  
Ross: Hey! I was just trying to lay down the facts.  
  
Rachel: so THATS why we won in the end!  
  
Ross: Ok, Whatever.....  
  
Scene: Central Perk: Phoebe and Joey  
  
Joey: Pheebs i never asked you out because you were in "the friend zone"  
  
Phoebe: Uh huh. Right.  
  
Joey: It's not like i ever asked Rachel or Monica out!  
  
Phoebe: HUH!  
  
Joey: Ok ok Monica, once.....but Rachel?  
  
Phoebe: Oh Joey! Youre so unreliable! for all we know you could fall in love with her in the future!  
  
Joey: Yeah like that'd ever happen! (A/N: haha)  
  
Phoebe: Yeah, but still.....  
  
Joey: Why do you care so much?  
  
Phoebe: Cause you dont find me attractive!  
  
Joey: huh? of course i do Pheebs!  
  
Phoebe: Really?  
  
Joey: Sure! i realized that the day i kissed you.  
  
Phoebe: Really?  
  
Joey: Oh Yeah! you kiss way better than Ursula!  
  
Phoebe (gushing) : Yay me!  
  
Joey: actually, i uh.....wanted to ask you out right after that. but i didnt get a chance. and then you started going out with that other guy.  
  
Phoebe: You wanted to ask me out?  
  
Joey: Yeah. but then i realized that it would be weird.....for the others, you know.  
  
Phoebe: We could have not told them.  
  
Joey: (thinks) Yeah! Maybe we could still do that!  
  
Phoebe: Huh?  
  
Joey: Hey Pheebs, How You Doin?  
  
Phoebe: Are you asking me out?  
  
Joey: Sure! The special Joey way! So what do you say?  
  
Phoebe: Yes.  
  
END OF CHAPTER!  
  
A/N: Hey i hope you guys liked it..... 


	11. The One With All The Poker Part II

A/N: Hellooooo...well i decided that it was time to update! so heres the next chapter! slight change of plans (oooh i know you guys wanna kill me)  
  
Ross and Rache will officially get together at the party. What party you ask? read on...  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing!  
  
Chapter 11  
  
[TV Scene: Ross' apartment. Chandler and Joey are there. Ross enters with a pizza.]  
  
Ross: Alright boys, let's eat.  
  
Chandler: Oh, did you get that from the 'I Love Rachel' pizzeria?  
  
Ross: You still on that?  
  
Chandler: Oh, come on. What was with that whole Black Bart speech? (mimicking): "When I play poker, I'm not a nice guy!"  
  
Ross: You are way off, pal.  
  
Joey: No, I don't think so, see Ross, because I think you love her.  
  
Ross: Um.... no. See, I might've had feelings for her at one time-not any more.  
  
Rache (Not TV): Realllllllyyy?  
  
Chandler: You Know, i'm so glad Rachel gets to see this.  
  
Rache: yeah me too!  
  
Ross: Yeah Yeah!  
  
[Enter Phoebe and Joey] Joey: Hey Guys!  
  
Everyone: Hey  
  
Monica: so where were you guys?  
  
Phoebe: Oh you know...around  
  
Joey: Yeah, we were at the coffee house  
  
Rache: Oh ok...come to watch?  
  
Phoebe: Yeah...sure  
  
TV SCENE: Monica and Rachels. The three girls are there.  
  
Rachel: Oooooh. (reading a letter she just got) (surprised): Oh! I got an interview! I got an interview!  
  
Monica: You're kidding! Where? Where?  
  
Rachel: (in disbelief): Sak's... Fifth... Avenue.  
  
Monica: Oh, Rachel!  
  
Phoebe: Oh, it's like the mother ship is calling you home.  
  
Monica: Well, what's the job?  
  
Rachel: Assistant buyer. Oh! I would be shopping... for a living!  
  
(Knock on door.)  
  
Monica: OK, look. That is Aunt Iris. This woman has been playing poker since she was five. You gotta listen to every word she says.  
  
Ross (Not TV): MONICA! you called Aunt Iris? You cheat!  
  
Monica: Yeah...I...(looks sheepish)  
  
Aunt Iris (TV): Is Tony Randall dead?  
  
Rachel: No.  
  
Monica: I don't think so.  
  
Rachel: Why?  
  
Aunt Iris: Well, he may be now, because I think I hit him with my car.  
  
Monica: What?  
  
Rachel: Oh my God!  
  
Monica: Really?  
  
Aunt Iris: No! That's bluffing. Lesson number one. (walks into kitchen) Let me tell you something... everything you hear at a poker game is pure crap. (to Phoebe): Nice earrings.  
  
Phoebe: Thank y... (thinks about it)  
  
Aunt Iris: Girls, sit down.  
  
Monica: Uh, Aunt Iris? This is Phoebe, and that's Rachel...  
  
Aunt Iris: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, listen, I am parked at a meter. Let's do it. Ready? All right. (starts dealing out the cards) We're going to start with a little five-card draw and we'll go into the studs, and the hold-ems. (To Monica) And I talked to your cousin, Nathan, yesterday--AH! (To Rachel). Don't ever touch your cards when somebody's dealing.  
  
(Phoebe and Rachel slowly put their hands under the table and sit there watching Aunt Iris deal the rest of the cards.)   
  
Monica: How's Nathan?  
  
Aunt Iris: How is he ever? Now he thinks he's a man trapped in a woman's body.   
  
Rachel: Don't you mean he thinks he's a woman trapped in a man's body?   
  
Aunt Iris: It should be so simple.  
  
Scene: Phoebe and Joey are standing by the kitchen cabnet while the others are watching.  
  
Joey: Pheebs...you think we should tell them? i mean Rachel and Ross never kept it a secret  
  
Phoebe: But everyone knew that Ross was in love with Rachel. This is just...new!  
  
Joey: Yeah i guess youre right.  
  
Chandler: Guys! what are you'll doing?  
  
Joey: Uh...nothing.  
  
Monica: Yeah what are you guys whispering about?   
  
Phoebe: Well it was gonna be a surprise...but...we're planning a party.  
  
Rache: Really? why?  
  
Phoebe: Um...Joey?  
  
Joey: because...we want to celebrate...  
  
Phoebe: yeah we wanna celebrate us being on tv!  
  
Everyone (buying it) : Oh ok! thats cool.  
  
Joey: Yeah...(to Phoebe) : Youre paying for the party!  
  
TV Scene: The gang is playing Poker.  
  
Rachel: (deals new hand) Boy, you really can't stand to lose, can you? Your whole face is getting red... little veins popping out on your temple...  
  
Phoebe: Plus that shirt doesn't really match those pants.  
  
(Ross is visibly upset.)  
  
Ross: First of all, I'm not losing...  
  
Rachel: Oh, you are losing. Definitely losing. (phone rings)  
  
Ross: Let's not talk about losing. Just deal the...  
  
Rachel: (answering phone) Hel-lo, Rachel Green.  
  
Ross: (mimicking Rachel) Mee mee, mee-mee mee.  
  
Rachel: (on phone) Excuse me. (covers up phone; to Ross) It's about the job.  
  
(Rachel walks into kitchen to talk on the phone.)  
  
Rachel: Barbara! Hi, how are you? (Listens) Uh-huh. (Listens) No, I understand. Yeah. Oh, oh, come on, no, I'm fine. Don't be silly. Yeah... oh, but you know, if-if anything else opens up, plea-Hello? Hello? (hangs up phone, very depressed)  
  
(Rachel goes back and sits down. The rest don't know what to say.)  
  
Monica: Sorry, Rach.  
  
Phoebe: Y'know, there's gonna be lots of other stuff.  
  
Rachel: Yeah...(sigh)....OK. Where were we? Oh, OK... five card draw, uh... jacks or better... nothing wild, everybody ante.  
  
Joey: Look, Rachel, we don't have to do this.  
  
Rachel: Yes, we do. (pause)  
  
Monica (Not Tv): Wow Rache! You were really adament!  
  
Rachel (TV) : I see your fifty cents... and I raise you... five dollars. (throws it in)  
  
Ross: I thought, uh... it was a fifty cent limit.  
  
Rachel: Well, I just lost a job, and I'd like to raise the bet five bucks. Does anybody have a problem with that?  
  
(Everyone says no and folds, except for Ross, who thinks about it.)  
  
Rachel: (to Ross): Loser?  
  
(Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Phoebe back their chairs away from the table.)  
  
Ross: No, I fold. (lays cards down, and gets up)  
  
Rachel: What do you mean, you fold? Hey, come on! What is this? I thought that 'once the cards were dealt, I'm not a nice guy.' I mean, what, were you just full of it?  
  
(Ross thinks it over, finally sits down and picks up his cards.)  
  
Ross: I'm in. (throws in chips)  
  
Rachel: How many you want?  
  
Ross: One. (Rachel gives him the card.)  
  
Rachel: Dealer takes two. (she deals herself two cards) What do you bet?  
  
Ross: I bet two dollars. (throws it in)  
  
Rachel: OK... see your two... and I raise you twenty. (throws it in)  
  
Ross: I see your twenty, raise you twenty-five. (throws it in)  
  
(The other four look amazed at the large pot.)  
  
Rachel: See your twenty-five...and...uh, Monica, get my purse.  
  
(Monica gets up, looks in Rachel's purse.)  
  
Monica: Rachel, there's nothing in it.  
  
Rachel: OK, then get me your purse.  
  
(Monica gets Rachel her purse.)  
  
Monica: OK, here you go. Good luck.  
  
Rachel: (to Monica): Thank you. (to Ross): I saw your twenty-five, and I raise you... seven.  
  
Phoebe: ...teen! (throws in a ten-dollar bill)  
  
(Ross looks in his wallet, pulls out two dollars.)  
  
Ross: (to Joey): Joey, I'm a little shy.  
  
Joey: That's OK, Ross, you can ask me. What?  
  
(Ross looks at Joey, dumbfounded at his stupidity.)  
  
Chandler: (to Ross): What do you need, what do you need?  
  
Ross: Fifteen.  
  
Chandler: Alright, here's ten. (gives it to him)  
  
Joey: Here, I got five, I got five. (Ross takes the money)  
  
Ross: Thank you.  
  
Chandler: Good luck.  
  
Ross: (to Rachel): OK, I am calling your seventeen. What do you got?  
  
(Long pause as they both look at each other.)  
  
Rachel: (lays down cards) Full house.  
  
(Ross stares at her. Thinks about it. Puts cards on table, face down.)  
  
Ross: You got me.  
  
(Monica and Phoebe get up and start celebrating in the kitchen, pouring wine and singing. Rachel, shocked, goes to join them.)  
  
Joey: (to Ross): Ahhh, that's alright. Y'know, that's a tough hand to beat.  
  
Chandler: (to Ross): I thought we had them!  
  
Ross: Oh, well, when you don't have the cards, you don't have the cards, you know. (looks at Rachel) But, uh... look how happy she is. (smiles)  
  
Not TV: The Girls all look shocked.  
  
Rache: Ross did you let me win?  
  
Ross: No...i didnt have the cards.  
  
(Ross and Rache just keep staring at each other. The rest of the gang feel uncomfortable and go away)  
  
A/N: Sorry the Poker scene was so long but theres no way i could cut it!  
  
The Party is gonna happen and yet the story line wont be altered much...you'll see. all i can say is...the party is gonna be really cool! 


	12. The Party Part I

A/N: Here it is people! I hope you like it! It's a two-part episode/chapter/party The next chapter is a lot more fun than this one  
  
Chapter 12  
  
[TV Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Everyone is sitting at the couches, Chandler enters.]  
  
Chandler: OK, what is it about me? Do I not look fun enough? Is there something. . . repellant. . . about me?  
  
Rachel: So, how was the party?  
  
Chandler: Well it couldn't have been worse. A woman literally passed through me. OK, so what is it, am I hideously unattractive?  
  
Phoebe: No, you are not, you are very attractive. You know what, I go through the exact same thing. Every time I put on a little weight, I start questioning everything.  
  
Chandler: Woah, woah, I've put on a little weight?  
  
Phoebe: No, not weight... y'know, more like insulation.  
  
Monica: Chandler, I'm unemployed and in dire need of a project. Ya wanna work out? I can remake you.  
  
Chandler: Oh, you know, I would, but that might get in the way of my lying around time.  
  
Monica: Please.  
  
All: C'mon. Let her. Yeah.  
  
Chandler: Alright, OK, all right. But if we put on spandex and my boobs are bigger than yours, I'm goin' home.  
  
Phoebe: Your boobs are fine. Look, I never should have said anything. Come here. Come here. [hugs Chandler but holds her hands apart behind his back] Oh, can't make.... hands... meet....  
  
OPENING TITLES  
  
[Not TV: The Gang with a bunch of their other friends are at Monica and Rachel's and are watching the video. Everyone is laughing. Guests that we recognize: Pete, Monica's Boyfriend (A/N: This is Season three...and everything takes place around this time...) Janice, (No wonder Chandlers upset at Monica for inviting her) Carol and Susan, Gunther and Sophie and Joanna from Rachel's office. Other guests include some guys from Chandler's office and some familiar people from previous parties that the gang has had.]  
  
Susan: We always knew you guys were on TV  
  
Carol: But Marta and David forbid us to tell you  
  
Joey: Why? We'd find out anyway!  
  
Monica: I think its invasion of privacy!  
  
Phoebe (dancing around with a glass in her hand) But I love it!! (she's a little drunk)  
  
Ross and Rachel are sitting in a corner playing Poker. After watching the Poker episode, Rachel suggested they have a best of three game to see who was the better player. Ross excepted the challenge and they had begun to play. All throughout the evening, Ross and Rachel had been playing one-on-one Poker. their best of three game would have ended long ago if only Rachel hadn't accused Ross of cheating. this being the case, they had to start the game all over again...and again...and again.  
  
Rachel: Ross! you saw my cards didn't you?  
  
Ross: No I didn't!  
  
Rachel: Yes you did ! I saw you! Ross: No I...What? Rachel: I'm dealing a new hand! Monica: (in a corner) when will those two stop arguing and realize their perfect for each other?  
  
(TV Scene: Central Perk)  
  
Phoebe: [seeing Ross kissing Julie outside the window] Ooh, oh, Rachel, don't look.  
  
Rachel: What? [looks, feigns indifference] C'mon you guys, I don't care, I have a date tonight.  
  
Joey: Woah, woah, woah, you have a date?  
  
Rachel: Yeah, Monica's setting' me up.  
  
Joey: But uh, uh, what about uh, Ross and uh. . .?  
  
Rachel: Oh what, my whole insane jealousy thing? Well, y'know, as much fun as that was, I've decided to opt for sanity.  
  
Chandler: So you really OK about all this?  
  
Rachel: Oh yeah, C'Mon, I'm moving' on. He can press her up against that window as much as he wants. For all I care, throw her through the damn thing.  
  
[Ross and Julie enter.]  
  
Ross: Hi guys.  
  
ALL: Hey.  
  
Ross: Oh, Monica, I figured I'd come by tomorrow morning and pick up Fluffy's old cat toys, OK?  
  
Monica: Only if you say his full name.  
  
Ross: [reluctantly] Can I come over tomorrow and pick up Fluffy Meowington's cat toys.  
  
Monica: Alright.  
  
Joey: [to Ross] You're getting a cat?  
  
Ross: Uh, actually, we're getting a cat.  
  
Rachel: Together?  
  
Ross: Uh huh.  
  
Rachel: Both of you?  
  
Ross: Yep.  
  
Rachel: Together.  
  
JULIE: Yeah, we figure it'll live with Ross half the time, and with me half the time.  
  
Rachel: Ohh, well, isn't that just lovely. That's something the two of you will be able to enjoy for a really, really, really, really, really long time.  
  
Ross: Hopefully.  
  
Rachel: Well. [looks at watch] Woah, look at that! I gotta go, I got a date. With a man. Um, OK, you guys have a really, uh, have a really good night and you two have a have a really good cat. [she leaves carrying her tray then comes back in] OK, we're not supposed to take these when we leave.  
  
Not TV: Ross: see, your always flustered around me! Rachel: Oh please! that was a long time ago and I was...well I liked you! (looks at him) god knows why! Ross: Hey!!!  
  
(Phoebe and Joey are in a corner)  
  
Joey: Pheebs! I know you're drunk but can you TRY to understand me?  
  
(Phoebe is balancing a cushion on her head and is wearing her left shoe in her hand) Joey: Pheebs! Pheebs!  
  
Phoebe: Jooooeeeyyyy! (she hugs him) how have you beeen?  
  
Joey: Ok Pheebs...you need to lie down)  
  
Phoebe: But I wanna a party! wooooo!  
  
Joey shakes his head a s Phoebe picks up a coaster and tries to eat it.  
  
(Pete, Chandler and Monica are in another corner)  
  
Chandler: Maybe we should try and get Ross and Rachel back together!  
  
Monica: yeah I know...it would be so good for them!  
  
Pete: From what I've been watching (gestures to the TV) they'd be perfect for each other.  
  
Chandler: Ok...so what should we do?  
  
TV Scene: Rachel, who is on a date with a guy called Michael, pours the last of the champagne bottle in her glass.]  
  
Rachel: [obviously drunk] I mean, it's a cat, y'know, it's a cat. Why can't they get one of those bugs, y'know, one of those fruitflies, those things that live for like a day or something? [belligerently] What're they called, what're they called, what're they called?  
  
Michael: Fruitflies?  
  
Rachel: Yes! Thank you.  
  
[The waiter comes to the table.]  
  
WAITER: So, would you like any dessert?  
  
Michael: No! No dessert, just a check, please.  
  
Rachel: Oh, you're not having fun, are you?  
  
Michael: No, no, I am, but only because for the last hour and a half I've been playing the movie Diner in my head.  
  
Rachel: Oh, look at me, look at me. Oh, I'm on a date with a really great guy, all I can think about is Ross and his cat and his... Julie.  
  
Michael:: Look do you want a piece of pie or something?  
  
Rachel: No! Ah! It's too late for that man. I have just screwed this all up. I just want to get over him. gosh, why can't I do that?  
  
Michael: Oy. Look, I've been through a divorce, trust me you're gonna be fine. You just can't see it now because you haven't had any closure.  
  
Rachel: Yeah! Closure. That's what it is, that's what I need. God, you're brilliant! Why didn't I think of that? How do I get that?  
  
Michael: Well, you know, there's no one way really, it's just, you know, whatever it takes so that you can finally say to him, "I'm over you."  
  
Rachel: Closure that's what it is. Closure. [she looks around the restaurant, spotting a guy with a cellular phone] Hello, excuse me. Excuse me, hel. . . woo [she almost falls out of her chair]  
  
GUY: Hang on.  
  
Rachel: Hello, excuse me.  
  
GUY: What.  
  
Rachel: Hi, I'm sorry, I need to borrow your phone for just one minute.  
  
GUY: I'm talkin'!  
  
Rachel: I can see that. I... just one phone call, I'll be very quick, I'll even pay for it myself. [man is still reluctant] OK, you're bein' a little weird about your phone.  
  
GUY: Alright, fine. [on the phone] I'll call you back. [hands the phone to her]  
  
Rachel: Thank you. (To Michael in a drunk way) I am so good with people. OK. [dials] Machine. Just waiting for the beep.  
  
Michael: Good.  
  
RACHEL: [on phone] Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat who, by the way, I think you should name Michael:. And, you know, ya see there I'm thinking of names so obviously, I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. [hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket]  
  
Monica (Not TV): Thats it!!!! Chandler: Whats it? Monica: c'mon. we have to get Ross and Rachel to stop playing poker and start seriously watching the show!  
  
END OF PART ONE  
  
A/N: coming up: More drunken Phoebe, The getting together of Ross and Rachel, chandler hooks up with someone unexpected and there's a surprising declaration! 


	13. An Unexpected Declaration

A/N: Hello! Yes i know it's been a really long time...but not only was i busy, quite frankly i had intentions of dumping this story because after reading it again i thought it was kinda boring...  
  
but then i read your reveiws again and i figured i'd give it a shot. After all, there are only three chapters left till the end.  
  
The rest of this story will be P/J and R/R. i'm sorry C/M fans...you'll have to wait till i put up my other friends story (which has some C/M in it)  
  
Disclaimer: We know who owns it and we know it isnt me. this is FAN fiction for crying out loud!  
  
Chapter 13  
  
(Not TV) Monica is trying to convince Ross and Rachel to stop playing poker and to watch. Joey is trying to get some sense into Phoebe and Chandler is being tailed by Rachel's Boss, but he's more interested in Rachel's colleauge Sophie.  
  
Monica: Rache, c'mon!!! you have to watch.  
  
Rachel: Mon, That tape is about our lives. we already know what happened!  
  
Monica: But you still gotta watch! C'mon!!! Ross???  
  
Ross: Oh...Ok.  
  
(Monica, Rachel and Ross head towards the TV where a few people are already watching)  
  
[TV Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is answering the door in his robe.]  
  
Chandler: No, no, no, no, no, no [opens door to Monica] No. Monica, it's Sunday morning. I'm not running on a Sunday.  
  
Monica: Why not?  
  
Chandler: Because it's Sunday. It's God's day.  
  
Monica: OK, if you say stop, then we stop.  
  
Chandler: OK, stop.  
  
Monica: No, c'mon, we can't stop, c'mon, we've got three more pounds to go. I am the energy train and you are on board. Woo-woo, woo-woo, woo-woo [Chandler walks out of the apartment, leaving Monica] Woo.  
  
  
  
[Not TV: Joey and Phoebe are in the terrace/balcony. Phoebe is now looking at New York City by night as if she's never seen it before.]  
  
Joey: Um...Pheebs??  
  
Phoebe: Joey look!!!  
  
Joey: What?  
  
Phoebe: look at all the pretty lights  
  
Joey: Ok Pheebs...you really really need to lie down  
  
Phoebe: But i'm not sleepy! it isnt even night yet!  
  
Joey gives an exhasperated sigh as Phoebe jumps up and down and cheers as she sees a plane fly across the sky.  
  
[TV Scene: The Apartment. Rachel is taking asprin. Ross enters.]  
  
Ross: Hey Rach.  
  
Rachel: Ahhhh.  
  
Ross: Oh. And how was the date?   
  
Rachel: Umm, I think there was a restaurant... I know there was wine.  
  
[Rachel looks at Ross as though she remembers something, but can't place what it is.]  
  
Ross: Wow, well uh, uh, actually, Julie's downstairs getting a cab, I just need the cat toy, did Monica say. . . What? Why, why are you looking at me like that?  
  
Rachel: I don't know, I, I feel like I had a dream about you last night but I, I don't remember.  
  
Ross: OK. Oh, oh, oh. [runs over and picks up the cat toy]  
  
Rachel: Did we speak on the phone last night? Did you call me?  
  
Ross: No, I stayed at Julie's last night.  
  
Rachel: Huh.  
  
Ross: Oh, actually I haven't even been home yet. Do you mind if I check my messages?  
  
Rachel: Oh yeah, go ahead. [Rachel walks in her room. Ross picks up the phone and dials his machine to check his messages.]  
  
Ross: Rach, I got a message from you. [pauses] Who's Michael:?  
  
[Rachel comes out of her room, suddenly she remembers leaving the message.]  
  
Rachel: Oh my God. Oh my God Ross, no, hang up the phone, give me the phone Ross, give me the phone, give me the phone, give me the. . . [jumps the couch and lands on Ross's back, finally getting the phone from him. Ross has a confused expression on his face.]  
  
Ross: You're over me?  
  
[Not TV: Sophie, Chandler and Joanna are talking]  
  
Joanna:...Well i obviously knew, Chandler, that you were on tv. and then one day i turned on the tv and i was there too! i mean, yes, i was working on Marta's orders but still, it was so great to see myself on tv...  
  
Sophie: I was there too  
  
Joanna: Really? I didnt see you, though  
  
Chandler: (exhasperated about the fact that he's just asked Sophie out and Joanna cant leave them alone) Joanna, isnt that hunky model from the infomercials eyeing you?  
  
Joanna: Where? Where? (She goes off)  
  
[TV Scene: Ross and Julie are at the pound looking for a cat.]  
  
Julie (looking at a cat in a cage): Ooh, this one is cute, don't you think?  
  
Ross: Yeah. This one's cute and-and that one's cute (points to a cat) and that one's cute. (points to another cat). They're all cute. They're kittens. Let's just wrap it up and get the hell out of here.  
  
Julie: Are you ok?  
  
Ross (with a worried look): Yeah me, me? Sure. Yea Yea. Yeah!  
  
Julie: Ross, honey, hey..I know that this a big step for us but I've got a feeling we're going to be ok.  
  
Ross: Yeah I know. I know. (to the worker) So um, do you have any cats that are really old or incredibly sick? Just--  
  
(The worker gives him a strange look.)  
  
Julie: Ross? I don't want one that is about to die.  
  
Ross: Oh see, now we should of worked that out before we came down here.  
  
Julie: Oook sweetie I am going to narrow it down to this one over here (points to one)..  
  
Ross: Yea  
  
Julie: ...and this one with the stripes.(points to one). Ok. You pick!  
  
Ross: Uh oh wait. I a-. I have to pick?  
  
Julie: Yeah, which ever one you want!  
  
Ross: Oh well I um..I don't know. I mean it's not that easy to choose. You know? I mean both-both cats are-are beautiful and um..funny and....you know I am sure I would be happy with either cat. I-I just..  
  
Julie: Well, do you wanna take both?  
  
Ross: Both? Both? I can't have two cats-I mean..Joey's the kind of guy who can have two cats.  
  
[Not TV: Phoebe and Joey on the balcony]  
  
Joey: Ok Pheebs. i was gonna tell you somthing important...but you obviously need some rest.  
  
Phoebe: Ross! i dont need rest!  
  
Joey: I'm not Ross! i'm Joey!  
  
Phoebe: Ooooh! ok see i thought you were Ross.  
  
Joey: Pheebs?  
  
Phoebe: But No!! youre Joey! Which is Yay, because I love you!!  
  
Joey: You What?  
  
(Phoebe hugs him and them passes out on his shoulder)  
  
[TV Scene: Central Perk. Ross and Rachel are there.]  
  
Ross: You had no right to tell me you ever had feelings for me.  
  
Rachel: [hurt] What?  
  
Ross: I was doing great with Julie before I found out about you.  
  
Rachel: Hey, I was doin' great before I found out about you. You think it's easy for me to see you with Julie?  
  
Ross: Then you should have said something before I met her.  
  
Rachel: I didn't know then. And how come you never said anything to me.  
  
Ross: There was never a good time.  
  
Rachel: Right, you, you only had a year. We only hung out every night.  
  
Ross: Not, not, not every night. You know, and... and it's not like I didn't try, Rachel, but things got in the way, y'know? Like, like Italian guys or ex-fiances or, or, or Italian guys.  
  
Rachel: Hey, there was one Italian guy, OK, and do you even have a point?  
  
Ross: The point is I... I don't need this right now, OK. It, it's too late, I'm with somebody else, I'm happy. This ship has sailed.  
  
Rachel: Yeah, what're you saying, you just sort of put away feelings or whatever the hell it was you felt for me?  
  
Ross: Hey, I've been doin' it since the ninth grade, I've gotten pretty damn good at it.  
  
Rachel: Alright, fine, you go ahead and you do that, alright Ross.  
  
Ross: Fine.  
  
Rachel: 'Cause I don't need your stupid ship.  
  
Ross: Good.  
  
Rachel: Good. [Ross leaves]   
  
[Rachel gets up and opens the door, yelling after him.]  
  
Rachel: And ya know what, now I've got closure.  
  
[Rachel slams the door and locks it. She sits down, visibly upset. She puts her head in her hands and begins to cry. Ross comes back and is standing outside the window. When Rachel regroups and gets back up to finish closing, she sees him. She smiles. She goes to open the door and can't get the lock undone.]  
  
Ross: Try the bottom one.  
  
[She opens the door and they kiss.]   
  
[Not TV: Everyone looks at Ross and Rachel who are now kissing. Everybody Cheers]  
  
END OF PART II  
  
A/N: Another Chapter comes to an end! i'm trying to see if i can reach a hundred reviews by the end of this story...so help me out with my goal, please??? 


	14. Love and Flashbacks

Note: This is a time jump...Ross and Rachel are getting married! Phoebe and Joey are still going out in secret though...all the flashbacks are from The One With The Prom Video At The End.  
  
Scene: Monica and Phoebe at the girls apartment. Rachel enters.  
  
Rachel: I'M GETTING MARRIED!  
  
Monica and Phoebe: Yay! congratulations...  
  
Rachel: God, you guys i am so excited! i'm getting MARRIED!  
  
Phoebe: To your best friend!  
  
Monica: And to my brother  
  
Phoebe: Aw...its like we're all getting married to each other  
  
(Mon and Rach give her a strange look)  
  
Rachel: ok now i have to get ready  
  
Phoebe: Ok i'll help...what are maid of honours for?  
  
Monica: Hey, i'm her maid of honour too, pheebs  
  
Phoebe: You are???  
  
Scene: Ross, Joey and Chandler at guys apt.  
  
Ross: Can you believe that today's my wedding day??  
  
Chandler: Yeah i can!  
  
Joey: So are you nervous?  
  
Ross: Yeah i am!  
  
Chandler: But you've been planing this since the ninth grade!  
  
Joey: Hey remember when you guys first started goin out?  
  
(Flashback)  
  
MONICA (Not TV): You know what this is, this is us getting ready for the prom.  
  
RACHEL: Oh.  
  
ROSS: You know what, you guys, we don't have to watch this.  
  
ALL: Oh yeah we do. C'mon.  
  
MRS. GELLER (TV): Get a shot of Monica. Where's Monica.  
  
MONICA: Over here dad. [he pans over and we see a torso taking up the whole screen]  
  
MR, GELLER: Wait, how do you zoom out? [zooms out and we see an extremely overweight Monica eating a big sandwich] There she is.  
  
JOEY (Not TV): Some girl ate Monica.  
  
MONICA: Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.  
  
CHANDLER: Ahh, so how many cameras are actually on you?  
  
MR. GELLER (TV): Everybody smile.  
  
MONICA: Oh, dad, turn it off.  
  
MR. GELLER: It is off.  
  
MONICA: Dad, it is not. What's with the red light?  
  
MR. GELLER: It's the off light. Right Ross? [pans over to see Ross with an afro and moustache]  
  
JOEY (Not tv): Lookin' good Mr. Kotter.  
  
ROSS: You look pretty tonight.  
  
RACHEL: Oh, thanks. So, uh, what are you gonna do this summer?  
  
ROSS: Oh, you know, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna hang out, work on my music.  
  
RACHEL: [the shoulders of her dress keep falling off her shoulders] Is my hook unhooked? These things keep falling down, I can't. . .  
  
ROSS: Uh, hold, let me see, I don't know. So what're you gonna do. . . [doorbell rings]  
  
RACHEL: Oh, the guys are here.  
  
ROSS: ...this summer?  
  
RACHEL: Where's Chip, why isn't he here yet?  
  
ROY: He'll be here OK, take a chill pill. [Chip pins Monica's corsage on, Monica then turns and whispers to Rachel]  
  
MONICA: I just told Rachel that Roy touched my boob.  
  
RACHEL: I can't go to my own prom without a date, I can't, it's too late.  
  
MONICA: If you're not going then I don't want to go either.  
  
ROY: Oh, I'm gonna kick Chip's ass.  
  
MRS. GELLER: [to Ross on the stairs] I have a wonderful idea. You should take Rachel to the prom.  
  
ROSS: Doubtful.  
  
MRS. GELLER: Jack, give me that. Talk to your son.  
  
MR. GELLER: Your mother's right. Take her, you can wear my tux.  
  
ROSS: Dad, she won't want to go with me.  
  
MR. GELLER: Of course she would, you're a college man.  
  
ROSS: I don't know.  
  
MR. GELLER: Well, c'mon. Don't ya want to find out?  
  
RACHEL: I can't believe I don't get to go to my own prom, this is so harsh.  
  
ROSS: OK. Hold my board.  
  
MR. GELLER: Atta boy. [Ross scrambles upstairs to change]  
  
ROSS: OK, you guys, ya know, I think we've seen enough, let's turn it off.  
  
ALL: No, no, no.  
  
ROSS: OK, fine, well I'm not gonna watch, alright.  
  
MR. GELLER: C'mon kid, let's go.  
  
MRS. GELLER: Ahh, are you handsome.  
  
MR. GELLER: Let's show 'em.  
  
ROSS: Uh, just a sec dad. [to himself] OK, be cool, just be cool. [walks down the stairs and grabs the flowers out of the vase on the endtable] OK dad.  
  
MR. GELLER: [going downstairs] Rachel, ready or not, here comes your knight in shining. . . oh no. [Chip has shown up and the four are leaving]  
  
RACHEL, MONICA, ROY, and CHIP: Bye.  
  
MRS. GELLER: Oh, dear. Jack, how do I turn this off?  
  
MR. GELLER: Press the button.  
  
MRS. GELLER: Which one? Which button, Jack.  
  
MR. GELLER: The button, the button.  
  
MONICA: I can't believe you did that.  
  
ROSS: Yeah, well.  
  
[Rachel, seeing what he did for her, gets up, walks across the room, and kisses Ross.]  
  
PHOEBE: See, he's her lobster.  
  
(Return to the present)  
  
Ross: Yeah...but then we broke up  
  
Joey: but now youre getting married!  
  
Ross: Yeah...i'm gonna go read over my vows okay?  
  
Chandler: Yeah and i'm gonna go pick up my tux  
  
(they leave)  
  
Joey picks up the phone  
  
Joey: Monica? is Phoebe there? Yeah...Pheebs? It's safe...c'mon over.  
  
Scene: Back at the girls apartment (Rachel is doing her make up)  
  
Phoebe puts the phone down.  
  
Phoebe: Joey's having a Phoebe emergency...i'll be right back. (she leaves...monica and rachel just shrug)  
  
Monica: Mac? you use Mac makeup? i dont have enough money to buy new sofa cushions and youre using Mac!  
  
Rachel; Mon! this is my wedding. And i thought youre parents lent you money.  
  
Monica: my parents have never lent me money  
  
(Flashback)  
  
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica answers the door and lets her parents in. They are carrying boxes.]  
  
MONICA: Hi.  
  
MR. GELLER: Hi.  
  
MRS. GELLER: Hi darling.  
  
MONICA: So, what's this.  
  
MR. GELLER: Some of your old stuff.  
  
MRS. GELLER: Well sweetie, we have a surprise for you. We're turning your room into a gym.  
  
MONICA: Wow, that is a surprise. Just one little question, uh, why not Ross's room?  
  
MR. GELLER: Gosh, we talked about that but your brother has so many science trophies and plaques and merit badges, well we didn't want to disturb them.  
  
MONICA: Oh, God forbid.  
  
(Later in the Flashback)  
  
[the Gellers are watching TV and Ross enters. He goes over to Monica]  
  
MONICA: Where have you been?  
  
ROSS: Emotional hell. So, did they lend you the money yet?  
  
MONICA: No, but that's probably 'cause I haven't asked them yet.  
  
ROSS: C'mon Monica, do it. Hey, you guys, um, Monica has some news.  
  
MONICA: Um, yeah, so uh, uhh, listen, I'm sorry I didn't tell you this before but umm, I, I'm no longer at my job, I, I had to leave it.  
  
MRS. GELLER: Why?  
  
MONICA: Because they made me.  
  
MRS. GELLER: You were fired? What're you gonna do?  
  
MR. GELLER: Judy, Judy, relax, this is our little harmonica we're talking about. We taught her well. Ten percent of your paycheck, where does it go?  
  
MONICA and ROSS: In the bank.  
  
MR. GELLER: There you go. So she dips into her savings, that's what it's there for. She's gonna be fine, and if you need a little extra, you know where to find it. [pulls a quarter from behind her ear]  
  
MONICA: Anything larger back there?  
  
(Return to the Present)  
  
Rachel and Monica are laughing at the memory  
  
Chandler enters  
  
Chandler: Where is everybody?  
  
Monica (from the bathroom) : We're in here  
  
Chandler: both of you together?  
  
Monica (coming out) : We're doing Rachel's make up  
  
Rache: It's okay mon...why dont you get ready now?  
  
Monica: Okay, hey chandler you can help me with somthing  
  
Chandler: Okay  
  
Monica: Now Rachels given us green and gold combinations...so which gold bracelet should i wear?  
  
Chandler (pointing to the left one) that one. the pther one is crap.  
  
Monica: It is? why?  
  
Chandler: You know what it reminds me of?  
  
(Flashback)  
  
JOEY: Hey I got somethin' for you. [hands Chandler an envelope.]  
  
CHANDLER: What's this?  
  
JOEY: Eight hundred and twelve bucks.  
  
CHANDLER: Well, I don't know what Big Leon told ya but it's an even thousand if you want me for the whole night. What is this for?  
  
JOEY: Well, I'm makin money now and this is payin' you back for head shots, electric bills, and so many slices of pizza I can't even count. I love ya man.  
  
CHANDLER: Well, thanks man. Now I can get my pony.  
  
JOEY: Hey, this is a little extra somethin' for uh, ya know, always bein' there for me. [hands Chandler a jewelry box]  
  
CHANDLER: Wow, I don't know what to say. [opens the box and pulls out an incredibly gaudy gold bracelet] Wow, I, I don't know what to say.  
  
JOEY: Heh, what d'ya say?  
  
CHANDLER: I don't know. It's a bracelet.  
  
JOEY: Isn't it? And it's engraved too, check it out.  
  
CHANDLER: [reads] To my best bud. [puts it back in the case] Thanks best bud.  
  
JOEY: Put it on.  
  
CHANDLER: Oh, now? [puts it in his desk drawer] No, no, I think something this nice should be saved for a special occasion. [sets a chair in front of the drawer]  
  
JOEY: Oh, no no, that's the beauty part, it goes with everything. [gets the bracelet from the drawer] You put this on, you're good to go. [puts the bracelet on Chandler] Ohhh man, you are so wearin' that bracelet.  
  
CHANDLER: I so am.  
  
JOEY: You have any idea what this'll do for your sex life?  
  
CHANDLER: Well, it'll probably slow it down at first but, once I get used to the extra weight, I'll be back on track.  
  
(Return to Present)  
  
Scene: Phoebe and Joey are in Joey's apartment talking about the wedding.  
  
Phoebe this is so great! i mean its just so great!  
  
Joey: I know! i mean its perfect!  
  
Phoebe: i know!  
  
Joey: You think we'll ever get married?  
  
Phoebe: Of course we will joey...we're not gonna be alone for the rest of our lives our we now?  
  
Joey: No, i mean to each other  
  
Phoebe: Oh...Yeah, why not?  
  
Joey: Then we should get married!  
  
Phoebe: Joey?  
  
Joey: we love each other and we should get married  
  
Phoebe: But isnt it too soon?  
  
Joey: Yeah it is...i just asked because we were on the subject of weddings...and because i love you.  
  
Phoebe: i love you too joey!  
  
Joey: Hey you think Kevin, David and Marta will incude all this is our TV show?  
  
Phoebe: Maybe they will...all in good time  
  
Joey: Yeah...who knows what the future holds for "friends"?   
  
END 


End file.
